A morning call from mam
by JosieCarioca
Summary: (Bad title is bad, don t mind it.)mother-in-law when Evelyn s mother decides to call on a lazy sunday morning. Takes place in June of 1999. Rated for language. Minor spoilers for "Post-War". (Seveus Snape x OC) (Severus Snape x Evelyn Black)Collab with Sybilwolf
Characters: Severus, Evelyn and Sophia (Evelyn´s mother)
Place: Lyn´s house  
Time: June of 1999

The blaring sound of the telephone startled him awake. Severus had lived nearly all his life away from these annoying machines muggles used to communicate with each other. When he was a child his parents couldn´t afford one and as an adult he had no need for one, so the sound was still very foreign and unsettling for him.

"Lyn...Lyyyyn...Evelyn.?.." he stirred but Evelyn´s sleeping form barely moved an inch within his arms. He shook her lightly "...the phone"

He knew it had to be for her. It was HER phone, by HER bed, in HER house. But she didn´t look very interested on getting it. Severus felt half tempted to let it ring, but the sound was so grating he couldn´t. He shook her harder

"Bloody hell, are you dead, woman?" he grumbled softly "The soddin´phone...It has to be for...oh, nevermind...I´ll get it."

He struggled to untangle himself from the comfortable position he was in, with Evelyn´s soft body wrapped around himm under the warm cocoon of covers, and reached for the nightstand.

"Yesss?!" he hissed into the receiver, too aggravated to be polite.

"Oh... My sincerest apologies." The voice on the other side of the line was a soft contralto with a thick Irish accent. "I must have dialed the wrong number."

"Uh...wha...I mean...Who is this?"

"I intended to call my daughter, but my eyes aren't getting any younger. So sorry to have woken you sir."

Oh. Fuck.

"Your...daughter?" Only then did Severus notice her voice was uncanilly similar to Evelyn´s...Except Evelyn´s voice was significantly lower and smokier and her accent was much less pronounced. But the tone was the same.

Excellent. This was NOT how he was supposed to be introduced to her mother.

"Yes, my daughter - WHO IS THIS?!"

"Is your daughter by any chance Miss Evelyn Teresa Black?"

"Yes... WHO THE BLOODY HELL AM I SPEAKING TO?"

Oh, it kept getting better...

"Ma´am, calm down, please." he sat up and glanced over at Evelyn who was still sleeping so soundly he wondered if she had slipped into a coma "You have the correct number. I´ll pass you to your daughter."

'If I can wake her up', he muttered.

"WAKE HER - WHO ARE YOU?!"

'Shit did I say it out loud?'

"I..I´m your daughter´s...next door neighbour..." yeah, that sounded convincing. Not.

"Oh... I see... and you are doing WHAT exactly at her's?!"

"Me? Uh...just...visiting." Smooth, Severus...very smooth.

"V-visiting... right... And is Evelyn aware of these visits!?"

"Excuse me, Mrs. Black...I assure you I´m not in the habit of entering anybody´s house without their express permission!"

"I see... Now may I please speak to Evelyn?"

"In a moment..."

"Evelyn!?" now he was really shaking her "For the love of everything holy, did you die?! Your mother is on the bloody phone!"

Evelyn stirred and mumbled somthing he couldn´t understand, but didn´t seem in the mood to wake up.

"Sure, don´t mind me, take your time" he sneered before speaking into the receiver again "She´ll be right with you, Mrs. Black"

"Sev?" Evelyn finally opened her eyes and looked at him drowsy and confused "What happened, who died?"

"Nobody YET. Your MOTHER on the phone."

"OH, JESUS, FECK" she bolted upright and grabbed the phone from him "Hello, mam!"

"EVELYN! Oh thank Jesus! What is going on over there? WHO IS THAT MAN WHO ANSWERED?"

"That was Sev...eh, Severus. Severus Snape, I told you about him..."

"was that the bloke who saved youyou from that scoundrel months ago?!"

"THAT one!" a sigh of relief

"OH! And does he have bedbugs?! Or do you pay him to keep watch as a security system?!"

"Oh, maybe I should" she chuckled nervously

"So... he's there out of his own volition?! Alone! With you?"

"Uh...yes...he´s...visiting. As neighbours often do..."

"Interesting... interesting... So nothing to report from your end then?"

"I´m afraid not. But you´re the one who called, you tell me."

Severus pulled the covers up to his face...Knowing Evelyn this would be long conversation.

"Can't a mother call to check up on her child living alone in a heathen nation?!"

"Oh, but of course you can! I know you worry, mam, but I assure you I´m doing just fine. How about you? How are YOU doing?"

"I'm alright... B.B. had a visit with Dr. Brannon yesterday. Just a check up, vaccine boosters. Thinking of perhaps fumigating a bit by the chicken run...

"Oh, that´s wonderful, mam" Sophia had started to ramble about everything and nothing at all which was usually a good sign. She leaned back into the pillows and started to lazily play with Severus hair, just to annoy him. "What about gran, have you visited her lately?"

"your sister is taking us all to hers this afternoon for tea. Poor dear, this weather doesn't agree with her - seems to be driving her osteoarthritis mad, I daresay. She said her wrist swelled to the size of a hurling ball this week. But other than that, she's fine! Oh! Alice lost another tooth!"

"Oh, poor gran...I should call her. It´s been almost two weeks since I last spoken to her...Do remind Cat to send me a photo of Alice with her tooth gap, it´s the front one, right?"

"Bollocks, Lyn"Severus hissed from under the covers, as she would not stop messing with his hair "lemme sleep"

"Yes, the second one in the bottom on the left this time. Oh! Is everything alright there?!"

"Yes, why?"

"I heard a noise. Did that boy go back to his own house yet?!"

"Uh, no...he´s...here"

"Well, he certainly is loud and uncouth!"

"Well your call woke...I mean...startled him. I mean...No, Severus is not any of those things, it´s just...Oh, mam, is a saturday morning, we´re just having the cráic, I´m sure you understand."

"Well, no I am afraid I don't understand - I am correct to assume he is there in case there's another attack. RIGHT?! You are a lady, Evelyn!"

"No, he´s here because we´re friends, and friends visit each other...It´s called socialization. You should know you have your own clique of friends, and they´re there all the time."

"He didn't exactly strike me as a social butterfly when he answered the telephone!"

"Well, he´s not exactly a morning person"

"Then what's he doing there so early?!"

"He...uh..." she internally cursed her own inability to lie properly "...I had a rat in the house..."

Severus´head emerged from uthe covers wearing an incredulous expression

"...is that the best you can come up with?" he mouthed before she shoved a pillow on his face to keep him quiet.

"Oh... Is that so! Well, of course that filthy country is overrun with them, what with all those plagues. I trust he got it out!?"

"Oh...he...killed it."

"Who killed who?" Severus asked from under the pillow.

"Do they sell poisons and traps there?!" Her mother kept on nagging "I can send you some and you can leave the poor boy to sleep till his heart's content..."

"Oh, they do, they do...I just couldn´t really locate the rat and...I was freaking out a bit, so I called him over to help. You know how much I hate rats, roaches and all these pests, they terrify me...There are certain things you really do need a man for"

Severus couldn´t help but snicker at that last remark.

"Right... let him do the dirty work then!"

"Oh, yes...He´s quite good at getting the dirty work done, indeed"

He had to laugh into the pillow, so Sophia wouldn´t hear him.

"EVELYN! What the devil is going on there?!"

"What? Nothing!"

"SOMETHING is going on over there, I know it!I smell more than just a rat!"

"What could possibly be going on here other than what I just told you?"

"Oh I don't know... a strange man is sleeping in your house! Wouldn't it be easier to install an alarm system and be done with it?!"

"Severus is not a strange man, man! He´s my...friend."

Severus looked up at her, whispering "Didn´t she already figured it out by now?"

"Ohhh... A 'FRIEND' is it!? Evelyn... is he... you know?! Like Emmet?"

"Oh...uh...eh...Not to my knowledge...I mean...I haven´t asked."

"Ahaa... I see... You didn't really have to 'ask' Emmet though..."

"No, mam...He´s not gay."

"Wait, what?" Severus didn´t much care about keeping a hushed tone now "I´m what?"

"And he looks out fer you without expecting anything in return?!" Jesus, her mother was relentless.

"Well...he does get things in return...I mean...I keep him company and we...have dinner sometimes...talk and..."

"...shag" he offered before cawling back ins the covers to avoid getting smacked with a pillow once more.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Sev...he´s just being silly, don´t mind him"

"Ahaaa... so you... feed him!?"

"Mam, he´s not a dog!"

"You did call me that last night, just to be fair." Evelyn heard from inside the covers.

"DOES HE ALWAYS SNICKER SNIDE REMARKS WHEN YOU SPEAK ON THE TELEPHONE!?"

"Uh...yes, he´s got a peculiar sense of humour...and yes, I cook for him sometimes...what of it?!"

"Evelyn, is there NOTHING to entertain yourself with in that God-forsaken country?"

"Yes, mam...there´s plenty ways to entertain myself here. Having guests home is one of them, as a matter of fact. I don´t see what´s the matter"

"I see... where exactly... does he sleep?!"

"WHAT!? Mother, why are you obssessed with the idea of Severus sleeping here? I never said he did!"

"Because I worry!"

"About?!"

"Weeeell... about you, of course! I'm your mother, it's my job to worry and know that I raised you right!"

"You did raise me right, and you have nothing to worry about, I assure you I´m not doing anything wrong and neither is Severus"

"What are we, 10?" Severus sounded considerably less amused now.

"Well... GOOD! Seeing as your poor sister is having a time getting back on her feet and all, sometimes I wonder!"

"You wonder? Dare I ask?"

"Well, things didn't go so smoothly with her, did they!?"

"Apples and oranges, mam."

"Regardless... "Evelyn could almost hear her mother gritting her teeth "She misses you. So do the girls... "

"I miss them as well...And I miss you too, even if every time we talk you must interrogate me like that."

"EVELYN! I DON'T INTERROGATE! I'm simply looking out for your well-being!"

"I know you are, mam. But there´s nothing to worry about."

"Except rats, maybe" Couldn´t Severus just go back to sleep already? This was hard enough without the commentary.

"Well... good! AND RATS?! I HEARD THAT!"

"T´was a joke, mam."

"Indeeeed... Well your sister and the girls are due over any minute. I shall leave you to escort Severus back to his, then!? "

"Kiss them for me, will ya? I promise I´ll be coming home over summer, as soon as the semester is over."

"Of course I will, sweetheart! Will Severus be coming too?" she was kidding...right?

"I dunno...do you want him to? Because that can be arranged"

"Well, it would be an honour to meet the man who saved my daughter's life, aye!?"

"I´m sure he´d be delighted to meet you"Evelyn could only imagine Severus´face under the covers.

"EXCELLENT! I'll start making preparations as soon as possible!"

"That´s wonderful, mam" She was now wondering if Sophia only called to enquire about Severus after all

"It is, isn't it!? Well... I'll leave you be, for now... "

"Ok, mam. Love you."

"Love you too... Give Severus my regards as well, will you?"

"I will. Bye."

"Slán!"

"Your mother seems like an interesting character." He finally reemerged.

"Shuddup" he grumbled

"You could just tell her about us, you know?"

"It´s complicated."

"I gathered that much."

"Just go back to sleep before I kick you off the bed, ok?"


End file.
